When I drive everyday to Frog the chestnut wonder horse, who is also my first ginger, the magnitude of what I'm doing and trying to achieve, quite overwhelms me.
I question myself. I doubt myself.
I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
When we are working on canter transitions or attempting a jumping seat or even as I muck out his stall, I question exactly what the hell I am doing. The mind has a tendency to question your aims by off-loading a barrage of questions on constant rotation such as what am I doing?
It will ask you to dig deep in the inner vortex of your bones and the courage that sits in your heart to find answers.
It will make you question everything about what you are doing even as it hums with the vibration of rightness.
It's been over 30 days since I've started this process. 30 days+ of driving 20mins each way to muck out Frog's stable, exercise him and do his feeds including the dreaded hay-net. 30+ days of adjusting to a new lifestyle, of a new routine, of establishing a partnership, of discovering hay not only in my boots but also down my pants. 30 days of building arm muscles that would make a pole dancer proud. 30 days of re-discovering a long forgotten muscle called discipline.
I understand the process of working towards a goal and yet I resist it. I battle the monkey mind in my head questioning every aspect of it especially if I'm able enough for the task. The task to complete an 80cm event this year in 2017 with the Wobbleberries.
Full disclaimer. I have never evented before nor have I ever looked after a proper event horse.
If so many people hadn't had donated to my challenge( THANK YOU!!!) and I didn't have such a great horse and owner team supporting me, believe me when I say I seriously considered dropping out. That thought has been on constant rotation initially when I was building the new muscle of discipline. As a yoga teacher, I work on a yoga mat or at a desk working at yoga; it been years since I've done hard labour in a yard. My desire to dump this challenge isn't because I don't want to do this, or believe that I can but because the resistance is the wall that calls you to climb over it to see how vast your potential is.
To overcome being stuck in our mind and body, to move forward to our path of goals requires the heavy discipline of the grunt work, the hard labour, the constant application of ourselves during the very mundane tasks we want to avoid. Mucking out is not glamorous, work every stride with leg on is damn hard work and yet, myself and thousands of other horse owners do it every. single. day.
For the love of it.
And that moment when you fly over a jump or when you receive your first rosette or simply when your horse comes in for a cuddle.
So we continue, sometimes with a grumble, with some lingering resistance, but with a willingness to continue because the right path does that to you. We do the work because of that moment with discipline being the pathway to a greater experience of it.
You know it. You feel it, even when you have doubts and want to stop. You won't though, because you know inherently you. have. to. do. this. That's the right path.
Changing the mind game is as Nick Skelton said 'just get on with it'. Just get on with it through good and bad days because they are just days, some are sunny and some aren't. However each one of those days is building the discipline that shapes you into a better and more stronger version of yourself.
So get on with it and I'll see you at the finish line.